A less painful memory

I was going to attempt a game review. But I've changed my mind.

Back in 2005, I was still living with my family and cycling to work on an industrial estate across town. The journey was about 4 miles each way, which I could cover in 15 minutes on a good day. One day in August, my family went on holiday to Wales for a week. I couldn't get the time off so didn't go with them, and had the house to myself for a week.

On the second day, I got out of work early and set off for home. I was on the cycle path out the back of the industrial estate and stood up on the pedals to get some power down (as you do). The rear derailleur snapped straight off, the pedals span wildly, my foot went under the rear wheel and I was catapulted over the handlebars. I managed to get my hand out to break the fall but from the crack it made I knew something had been damaged.

I lay there for about 20 minutes in the path trying to feel various parts of my body to make sure everything was attached. During this time a couple walked past, looked at me and just stepped over my body and kept walking. I was in too much pain to talk. I could tell my left hand was fractured or broken and there was a large patch of skin on my right shoulder that had been grazed right off. There was also a dozen or so grazes and scratches on my right side, and a line of puncture wounds on my right calf where the gears had gone into the skin.

The couple had disappeared. Nobody else was around. My phone was dead and nobody was home anyway. Eventually I managed to stand up, and pick up the bike. I had no choice. I had to start walking.

It hurt. I was limping with blood seeping from more wounds than I could count. The bike was wrecked but I was able to wheel it with me. I passed numerous people on the way, but none stopped to help or check if I was ok. I eventually got home around 2 hours later. Bike was left in the garden, and I tried tending to some of the cuts. The pain was still too much and I couldn't reach most of them with my right (working) hand. I was crossing the kitchen when I suddenly stated to feel really faint, and I felt myself falling.

I don't know how long I was out for. But when I woke up I was lying on my back in the kitchen in agony, feeling terrified, helpless and alone.

Why am I telling you all this? Because it still wasn't as bad as writing about the awful experience I had playing Test Drive Unlimited 2. Awful physics, irritating characters with painfully bad voice acting and an incredibly stupid story/career mode that will make you want to gouge your eyes out. Even the AI racers are predictable and slow. If Steam was a brick-and-mortar store I'd have marched straight back there with a pitchfork in one hand and a mutilated copy of Test Drive Unlimited 2 in the other.

I've never felt such nerdrage at a game before. In fact, just describing it is feeling like the start of an amazing rant... but I'll spare that for now. More on that another time.

DON'T BUY TEST DRIVE UNLIMITED 2, EVER.